Don't give me any SAS!

I am learning SAS at work. SAS is a programming language used to produce statistical information/reports. "SAS" doesn't stand for anything; it's just SAS.

I am enjoying this educational challenge but there's a lot to learn and each section builds upon the last. You have to be in a learning frame of mind or you'll get lost.

It just so happens I'm NOT in a learning frame of mind this morning and after I read the following snippet 10 times, I felt an overwhelming urge to stop "learning" and blog.

Tell me this won't drive you to drink:

Specifying SELECT Statements without Expressions

If you don't specify a select-expression, SAS evaluates each when-expression to produce a result of true or false.

If the result is true, SAS executes the statement in the WHEN statement.

If the result is false, SAS proceeds either to the next when-expression in the current WHEN statement, or to the next WHEN statement if no more expressions are present, or to the OTHERWISE statement if one is present. (That is, SAS performs the action that is indicated in the first true WHEN statement.)

If more than one WHEN statement has a true when-expression, only the first WHEN statement is used; once a when-expression is true, no other when-expressions are evaluated.

It's only 9:30 a.m. I have a long day ahead of me.

A view on I-10

Yesterday as I was traveling down I-10, I saw something I know I'll never see again.... a classic car from the 1950s towing a helicopter.

That's right. A helicopter.

Who ever heard of a car towing a helicopter???

Even if I had had my camera with me I would have never got that shot. I was doing 65 and the car was going in the opposite direction. So I searched the internet and I made this combined photo to approximate what I saw (sans the snow of course). The car was blue and white and the helicopter was much smaller and facing the other direction.

Ironically, the helicopter photo originally included the vehicle that was towing it..... a small Datsun-type station wagon.

Oh well. I guess it's not that uncommon after all.

Brace face

Tinsel teeth.

Metal mouth.

Jessie got braces last Tuesday. I remember when I had them. I was so excited at first, but it sucked actually.

Braces are different in this day and time. The wire is Titanium and the brackets come in tons of colors. Neater still, she can change her bracket color each time she has an appointment if she wants.

BEFORE













AFTER

The pancake conversation

The following is an actual conversation I had with Jason last night. He was hungry but didn't want what I made for dinner. He wanted me to cook him something.

Jason: Mommy I'm hungry.

Me: Well eat then.

Jason: There's nothing to eat.

Me: I made chicken pot pie.

Jason: I don't want that. It's disgusting; it has mushrooms.

Me: Well pick them out. There's not that many.

Jason: NO!! I'm not gonna eat that.

Me: Okay, then you're on your own. I'm not cooking anything else.

Jason: Mommy, I'm hungry, Mommy, I'm hungry, Mommy I'm hungry.... [this goes on for a bit. I ignore.]

Jason: What can I have? There's nothing to eat.

Me: Have a grilled cheese.

Jason: NO!

Me: Have a bowl of cereal or oatmeal.

Jason: NO!

Me: Have Ramen noodles then.

Jason: We don't have any more.

Me: Well then you're on your own.

Jason: I want pancakes.

Me: Okay, go for it.

[he goes into kitchen and I hear scuffling]

Jason: [yelling from kitchen] What do I do first?

Me: [yelling from living room] Read the instructions.

[silence]

Jason: How much do I make?

Me: How much do you want to make?

Jason: I only want one pancake.

Me: Well I don't know how to do that. Have something else.

[time goes by]

Jason: [in a very loud panicky voice] Where is the 3/4 cup?

Me: In the 2nd drawer.

Jason: What do I put it in?... I think I need the green bowl. [pause] It's dirty; it has Ramen noodles stuck to it.

Me: Well wash it then.

Jason: NO!

Jason: What else can I put it in?

Me: Use the Pyrex measuring cup.

Jason: NO! It has Ramen noodles stuck to it.

[pause]

Me: [sigh] Well why don't you just get all the dirty dishes together and have Ramen noodles?

[snicker]

Jason: Can I use this? [holds up a small Pyrex rectangular baking dish like you would make meatloaf in.]

Me: Sure.

[Jason comes in living room and sits down on couch, stirring the pancake batter in the Pyrex meatloaf dish.]

Jason: What temperature do I preheat the oven to?

Me: snicker.

[Jason dips a giant wad of batter onto his finger and shoves it into his mouth.]

Jason: This is disgusting!!

Me: [serious laughing] You retard!

[Jason goes back in kitchen. I hear cooking noises.]

Jason: Mommy, guess what I'm having for breakfast tomorrow?

Me: What?

Jason: Pancakes.

Me: That's nice.

Jason: Mommy, how do I know when to flip it?

Me: There will be bubbles.

Jason: What if there aren't any bubbles?

Me: Just give it time. [I begin to think about what is going on but refuse to go in there. That is exactly what he wants me to do.]

Me: What are you cooking it in?

Jason: Oil.

Me: No I mean what pan?

Jason: The pan I use to make grilled cheese.

Me: Cringing. [That pan is a griddle pan with ridges.]

I AM NOT GOING IN THERE.... I AM NOT GOING IN THERE!

[silence]

Jason: Was I supposed to preheat the oven to 400?

[more cooking noises.]

Finally, Jason comes into living room with a beautiful stack of three pancakes, complete with syrup, and shoves it in my face.

We are both grinning.

I knew he could do it.