The pancake conversation

The following is an actual conversation I had with Jason last night. He was hungry but didn't want what I made for dinner. He wanted me to cook him something.

Jason: Mommy I'm hungry.

Me: Well eat then.

Jason: There's nothing to eat.

Me: I made chicken pot pie.

Jason: I don't want that. It's disgusting; it has mushrooms.

Me: Well pick them out. There's not that many.

Jason: NO!! I'm not gonna eat that.

Me: Okay, then you're on your own. I'm not cooking anything else.

Jason: Mommy, I'm hungry, Mommy, I'm hungry, Mommy I'm hungry.... [this goes on for a bit. I ignore.]

Jason: What can I have? There's nothing to eat.

Me: Have a grilled cheese.

Jason: NO!

Me: Have a bowl of cereal or oatmeal.

Jason: NO!

Me: Have Ramen noodles then.

Jason: We don't have any more.

Me: Well then you're on your own.

Jason: I want pancakes.

Me: Okay, go for it.

[he goes into kitchen and I hear scuffling]

Jason: [yelling from kitchen] What do I do first?

Me: [yelling from living room] Read the instructions.

[silence]

Jason: How much do I make?

Me: How much do you want to make?

Jason: I only want one pancake.

Me: Well I don't know how to do that. Have something else.

[time goes by]

Jason: [in a very loud panicky voice] Where is the 3/4 cup?

Me: In the 2nd drawer.

Jason: What do I put it in?... I think I need the green bowl. [pause] It's dirty; it has Ramen noodles stuck to it.

Me: Well wash it then.

Jason: NO!

Jason: What else can I put it in?

Me: Use the Pyrex measuring cup.

Jason: NO! It has Ramen noodles stuck to it.

[pause]

Me: [sigh] Well why don't you just get all the dirty dishes together and have Ramen noodles?

[snicker]

Jason: Can I use this? [holds up a small Pyrex rectangular baking dish like you would make meatloaf in.]

Me: Sure.

[Jason comes in living room and sits down on couch, stirring the pancake batter in the Pyrex meatloaf dish.]

Jason: What temperature do I preheat the oven to?

Me: snicker.

[Jason dips a giant wad of batter onto his finger and shoves it into his mouth.]

Jason: This is disgusting!!

Me: [serious laughing] You retard!

[Jason goes back in kitchen. I hear cooking noises.]

Jason: Mommy, guess what I'm having for breakfast tomorrow?

Me: What?

Jason: Pancakes.

Me: That's nice.

Jason: Mommy, how do I know when to flip it?

Me: There will be bubbles.

Jason: What if there aren't any bubbles?

Me: Just give it time. [I begin to think about what is going on but refuse to go in there. That is exactly what he wants me to do.]

Me: What are you cooking it in?

Jason: Oil.

Me: No I mean what pan?

Jason: The pan I use to make grilled cheese.

Me: Cringing. [That pan is a griddle pan with ridges.]

I AM NOT GOING IN THERE.... I AM NOT GOING IN THERE!

[silence]

Jason: Was I supposed to preheat the oven to 400?

[more cooking noises.]

Finally, Jason comes into living room with a beautiful stack of three pancakes, complete with syrup, and shoves it in my face.

We are both grinning.

I knew he could do it.