I'm sitting here at work. Don't feel like working although I have plenty to do. It's Friday and I've almost made it through my first week of separation. I've just read an entry in my cousin's blog about helping me move last Monday. Her perspective of the move being different than mine but very much on target. It was hard to read because as I was worrying about getting everything loaded and worried about this and that, she was seeing the pain on David's face as he moved me and the kids out of our home. While I was thinking about the excitement of starting my new life, she was seeing the sadness of a family breaking up.
Being the insecure being I am, I immediately began to doubt my decision to leave. But I have to get a grip and remember that this is for me. I didn't make this decision lightly. I've been unhappy for several years. So what do I do? Stay in a marriage where I'm unhappy knowing things will never change? I just can't. I only get one life and I don't want to live it unhappy. We have grown apart. I will always feel guilty about putting my wants and needs first... about breaking up my family... but I have to think positive and believe that my decision is sound and that things will work out. And they already are working out. David and I are on good terms. We're friends. We talk almost every day. He'll be coming over. He'll see the kids as much as he wants. Things will be as "normal" as possible. We just won't live together. It's hard for him now but things will get better. I truly believe that.
I am buying the kids "ordered" pizza tonight for a treat. If you pick up the pizza rather than having it delivered, it only costs $5.00.
Dark Night
8 years ago
2 comments:
Hard as that might have been to read, I'm glad you read it. It was hard to write too. For every situation like this there are many sides. I knew that was one side that you weren't seeing, and I felt like it needed to be recorded somewhere.
For what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing. I have been through it myself, and I know how difficult the decision is and how you will keep second-guessing yourself for a while to come. Mine didn't even involve kids and still I did that.
It's good that you and David are friendly, that access to the kids won't be restricted. I talked to him on the phone the other day and he sounded pretty good. It will take a little time and a little adjustment, but you ALL will be just fine.
Thank you Sarah for writing about it. Yes, it was hard to read but necessary. I cried about it all night but I needed to because I hadn't let myself at all. I am that much more resolved now that I'm doing the right thing and that I can do this and know things will work out. I am truly lucky to have you in my life. I love you.
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