Beware of men in kilts

Okay, sorry for my posting procrastination and thank you to those who have reminded me that I haven't posted about this yet... (seriously I keep forgetting anyone reads this stuff).

Since my "new" life began, I've had little time to myself. I'm learning that it's hard not having another parent around to take over when the kids are driving you insane. Yes, I realize that's part of single parenting... it's just that I hadn't really thought about that part.

I decided that I needed a break from the kids. I needed to get out and do something... meet new people (after all that is one of my goals for myself). So I made plans to go out for drinks with a co-worker. It's been ages since I went out to a bar and there was no way I was going to go out by myself so I recruited Kerri from work. I arranged for the kids to spend Saturday night with David. I would have total freedom until Sunday morning around 10:00 a.m. I anticipated my night out all week and when Saturday morning arrived I delivered the kids promptly at 9:00 a.m. They weren't thrilled about going mainly because there's nothing for them to do, but go they did. Now I could do anything I wanted for the whole day! So what did I do? I went home and cleaned the house.

I stressed about what I should wear all day, changing clothes at least three times. I finally decided on a black and white sweater, jeans, and my brown suede shoes (didn't want to wear anything with heels in the event I get drunk and fall flat on my face!).

Our plans were to go out for dinner and arrive at the bar at around 9:30. Kerri would meet me at my house and we would ride together. Then she would spend the night so she wouldn't have to drive home. Kerri arrived at my house at around 7:15 and we had a beer and talked for about an hour. Before leaving for dinner, we decided to put on some of my phermone perfume (my passion party purchase) just to see if it would have any effect on unsuspecting men. This stuff is supposed to enhance your natural phermones... your "scent", which is what attracts the opposite sex.

So we doused ourselves up and we went to a Mexican restaurant for dinner. We were seated in a booth with a very wobbly table. The lady who sat us came back with some napkins and began stuffing them under the table leg but it wasn't working... mainly because it was the back leg they needed to be under. Then our very cute Mexican waiter arrived and said he knew how to fix the table... he said that was "what Mexicans did" (we laughed). I had to get out of my side of the booth to let him in so I went to the bathroom. I told Kerri to order me a diet coke if I wasn't back in time. So the waiter fixed the table and when I got back to the booth there were 2 very large margaritas sitting at our table. I sat down and looked at Kerri. She said she got scared and didn't know what to order so she ordered margaritas because they were two for one. I've never had a margarita but I know enough to know they contain alcohol! I took a sip and almost choked.. it was very strong. I looked at her and said, I'm sorry but if I drink this I'll never make it to the bar. We ended up leaving them intact for the most part and drinking water with our dinner. Every time the waiter came to our table he acted nervous and fumbled or dropped things (one thing being margarita all over my leg but luckily my lap napkin caught most of it!). We surmised that the phermones were affecting him but he may have just been clumsy.

So off to the bar we went, but first we put on more phermone perfume. When we arrived at the bar (lounge actually), the band was in the middle of their first set. It was about 10 pm. There was no where to sit so we just stood in the corner and looked obviously stupid. Then Kerri decided to go outside for a smoke and I went with her. It was freezing cold out there. (Note: the last time I was in a bar, you could smoke inside). When we came back in we were able to snag two seats at the bar. The seats swiveled so we were able to sit facing the band and watch all the drunks dancing and conversing.

And there were plenty of drunks... namely several men wearing kilts. We figured they must have attended some dinner function at the adjoining restaurant earlier in the evening and came over after that party broke up. There was this incredibly tall guy with a tiny head (reminded me of Fred Flintstone in a way) also in a kilt dancing with everyone. He strode past us several times without noticing us. We ordered a beer and began to chat over the incredibly loud but good band while watching people dance. Eventually the tall guy in the kilt ended up talking to some women who were sitting next to us. He turned around with his back to one of the women and I happened to catch his eye just as she sprayed something aerosol toward the back of his head. He looked at me as I said (knowing he couldn't hear me because of the band) that "she just sprayed your head." Well of course he didn't hear me so he came over and leaned down and I repeated what I had said. He asked what it was and I told him it smelled like perfume but then I realized it was hair spray. Well that did it. He got too close to that phermone stuff. He left but then returned and asked me to dance. I politely declined and told him I wasn't ready to dance; that I had to have more alcohol in me before that would happen. Well he was put off and he walked away rolling his eyes. No biggie I thought and went back to talking to Kerri. But he kept coming back. At one point Kerri went to the bathroom leaving me alone. I knew he would come over and sure enough he did. He was very persistent but he was polite. He kept telling me that I "was a lady of integrity and honor and he saluted me." He said this to me at least three times during the night. Then he said I looked like Doreen and Kerri busted out laughing which offended him.

In between dealing with him we saw several amusing sights. At one point a couple came in.. an older couple and they were standing right in front of us. The woman was groping the man's butt which cracked us up immensely. Then there was this woman, much younger, who was inappropriately dressed and dancing with everyone, but she had no rhythm. As she was coming off the dance floor, her breast flopped out of her halter top giving all the men who were ogling her a jolly!

We had two more beers and then decided we were both tired so we went home. All in all we had a great time. I learned that I don't really miss the bar scene. I learned that that phermone stuff actually works. And I learned to beware tall men wearing kilts.