Multitasking 101

Remember this picture of Jason multi-tasking?

Well now I have one of Jessica dong the same.  She's using her iTouch (iPod) with cell phone leaning against her face while on the internet (either on Facebook or MySpace or chatting).

Dude... where's my car?

Last Friday I was running late for work..... again.   

Again, despite my futile attempts to the contrary.  Drat my alien teenagers!

 

It was 7:45 am and I still had to stop by Publix.  It couldn't be put off.  

I pulled into a spot and hurried inside to get what I needed. 

As I hurried back out, I noticed a man standing right where I had parked my car.  My first thought was, "Okay, why is this guy standing right where I parked my car?"   My second thought was, "Wait, WHERE is my car?  I know I parked it there!"

I looked to the right and saw my car "parked" on the next row over.  Parked against another car.  Apparently had I left my baby in neutral and naturally it rolled downhill into another car. 

I walked over to it wondering what to do.  It was about 8:10 am and no one was around.

I went back inside Publix and headed to the first manger-type person I could find.  I told him what happened.  

Ryan immediately began helping.  He went back out with me and told me to call the Sheriff's department to report the accident.  He told me that Publix employees generally park in the same area of the parking lot (which coincidentally was NOT where my car ended up) so it may be a car belonging to one of the other businesses sharing the same complex.  But as a precaution, he said he would do a page over the system.

Turns out that the car belonged to the cashier, Sheree, who had checked me out.  IRONIC, YES??

So Ryan took over Sheree's duties so she could come outside with me to wait for the Sheriff to come and do a report.  Believe me I was impressed... totally impressed.  Publix is awesome on so many levels.

But isn't it funny how my life keeps messing with me?

A driving lesson

Jessica just turned 15.

That means, of course, she is ready to learn how to drive... and boy is she ready.

She has been ready since she was two.

Of course, her wanting to drive immediately prompted Jason to ask to drive again. He hasn't driven since he got his restricted license eight months after his 15th birthday. He just hasn't had any interest.

So I took him out for a lesson yesterday. He started out great, remembering the clutch/gas feel from all those months ago, and we were off. We headed down my street toward the park. At the stop sign he had to either turn right or left. Straight meant running through a fence and into a tree.

He opted for left and proceeded into action. As he released the clutch, he floored the gas faster than he was turning the steering wheel and, as you can imagine, my heart stayed back at the stop sign.

SLOW DOWN!!!... STOP THE GAS!!!... BRAKE!!!

I can't remember what I yelled but I yelled and he made the turn just shy of totaling my car.

We continued down that road and, after getting an earful of advice, he turned left at the next road up. We travelled up that road with no problems until another car appeared. I could see panic sweeping over his face. To compensate for the approaching car, Jason began to inch the car toward the right side of the road. After a few "inches," however, I couldn't help notice how close we were to hitting mail boxes and such, so I told him to move over.

move over.... Jason, Move Over... MOVE OVER!!!

The car made it past us but the recycle bin on my right didn't.

I got out of the car and walked to the recycle bin. As I lifted it back up to a standing position thanking GOD no one saw the incident, I looked up to see a teenage girl staring at me from the porch and asking me if the can was okay.

I told her it wasn't dented, that it was okay, and explained that my son was a new driver.

She laughed and said, that's okay... "when my younger sister began driving she took out a mailbox on the street over," pointing to the street just behind her.

As I listened, I remembered an incident several years earlier when I lived on that 'street over' and had come home from work to find my mailbox in three million pieces. And I remembered the young girl who was so upset and was literally shoving money in my face to replace it and I said...

...that was me.

Ironic. Don't ya think?

Honestly, I can't think of anything

Okay, I know I have been lax in blogging lately. For those who read me I apologize but I have to be in the mood ya know?

Here is an easy way out for me.... a quiz called the Honesty Meme.

1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
Beer.

2. Where was your profile picture taken?
On my couch at 1:30 am.

3. Can you play Guitar Hero?
No and I have no desire to.

4. Name someone who made you laugh today?
There are many, but the classic one for today was Amanda from work... she asked me if I got married while out in Colorado.

5. How late did you stay up last night and why?
I stayed up until 10 pm because I wasn't tired until then.

6. If you could move somewhere else, would you?
Well funny thing you asked.... Yes, I would move to the Colorado Springs area.

7. Ever been kissed under fireworks?
I can't remember. I was too busy looking.

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you on Facebook?
Other than family, I would say Rich.

9. Do you believe ex’s can be friends?
No. But having said that, I am friends with my ex.... or rather we are friendly which is good... but I do not believe a real friendship can continue with an ex because you need to separate lives in order to move forward.

10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper?
I thought it was Sgt. Pepper.

11. When was the last time you cried really hard?
A few weeks ago when I thought Dale and I were broken up.

12. Who took your profile picture?
Me.

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Dale wearing his awesome new coat (seriously, it's a chick magnet but don't tell him).

14. Was yesterday better than today?
No, but that's not to say that today is worse.

15. Can you live a day without TV?
Yes... but only a day!

16. Are you upset about anything?
Constantly.

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Yes. But only if they are worth it.

18. Are you a bad influence?
Absolutely.

19. Night out or night in?
Usually in.

20. What items could you not go without during the day?
Toothbrush, makeup, hairspray, diet coke, Facebook (okay I know it's not an "item"), beer.

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
Technically "hospital" it was Dale's brother Dusty. Untechnically, it was Dale's uncle Malcolm in hospice. (RIP to both.)

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say?
"Where are you?".... sent by my dear daughter who was waiting for me to come pick her up from school because she missed the bus and felt the need to call me every 4 minutes to see how much longer I would be before arriving at the school. Yeah my life rocks.

23. How do you feel about your life right now?
My life is very hard right now on many levels, but then it's always been hard... I would say it's a mixture of good and bad and hope.

24. Do you hate anyone?
Not truly hate.

25. If we were to look in your Facebook inbox, what would we find?
Well, there's nothing in my "inbox" but I do have two Farm Town gift requests.

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
Absolutely... but that doesn't really mean anything does it?

27. Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
No, not in those exact words.

28. What song is stuck in your head?
Right now it's Rock-N-Roll by Eric Hutchinson.

29. Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m., who do you want it to be?
Ed McMahon trying to surprise me after receiving bad directions to my house.

30. Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50?
Hell no (however, my Nana was 49.8 when I was born).

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow:
Wake up, drive home, get the kids out the door for school, get ready for work, drive to work, sit at work, have lunch, sit at work, drive home, clean up, cook dinner, watch tv, deal with teenagers, deal with cats (7 cats people), eat dinner, go to bed. Oh and maybe fold a load of laundry.

32. Do you think too much or too little?
Too much.... but about too little.

33. Do you smile a lot?
Yes and I try to laugh even more. Disclaimer: many people think I am mad when I have no expression on my face so while it doesn't count as a non-smile it does count as a non smile moment.

Unbelievable

There are times when I am thankful I have a digital camera handy because some of the stuff that happens around here is unbelievable.

It's hard to see (click pic to enlarge), but Jessica "colored" Stinky's nose with a pink crayon last night.

Unbelievable.

All in the family, part 1

Okay, I know the sizes are off. I can't fix them because I am at Dale's and not on my laptop, but look at the faces of me (at left) looking all 60s and my mother (above middle) who was all 60s.

Tell me we aren't related!

Guns, Ammo, Corn

I had this idea to post a picture of a scene I see daily.

There is a strip mall I pass daily that advertises three signs on the grass next to it.  Each sign bears a single word...."Guns," "Ammo," "Corn."  The first time I saw the signs, I knew I had to get a picture for my blog.  

But I didn't.  

I continued to pass the signs every day for a month before actually putting my digital camera in the glove box. And every day after that, I passed them without taking a picture. It was either raining or the traffic wasn't good or I was in a hurry or I just wanted to get home.  "There would always be a chance tomorrow," I told myself.

So the perfect opportunity came about yesterday.

It was Sunday and I had the time.  And I had my camera handy.  Perfect.

As I approached the strip mall, I reached into my purse to grab the camera.  I slowed down in order to pull into the parking lot, only I didn't see the signs.

They weren't there.

How could they not be there?  They have been there for months... years maybe.  Sometimes moved into different positions but there.  I couldn't get my picture.

I  blew it.

Today on my way home the signs were back.  

I don't know if I'll ever get a picture of those signs now.

Hmmm

Isn't it funny how as teenagers we had no problem telling our parents how the world worked because we knew everything..... and as adults we have no problem telling our teenagers how the world works because we know everything?

I get it now

I've been thinking a lot about life lately.

Dale's father died last Tuesday (6/30). I didn't know him very long. I met him for the first time about 8 months ago. I wish I had met him when I was born. And I wish I had pictures to show you.

Dale's father was a very different sort of person... at least in my life experience. He was opposite of me politically.... and generationally (is that a word?).

But he had this "thing" about him that was so special. He was the kind of man who would reach out and befriend someone he didn't know. He was the kind of man who would mentor people younger and help them succeed. He was the kind of man who was worth his word. And he was funny as hell.

Most importantly, he accepted me as a member of his family from the second I met him and I am not exaggerating. He treated me like I was already married to Dale... like I was his daughter.

Three hours after Dale found out about his father's death, he found out that his brother Dusty had committed suicide next door to him.

I cannot imagine the anguish he went through that night. How does a person handle that?

I went with him to tell his mother the next morning. THANKFULLY she had already found out and Dale didn't have to tell her himself.. thank God for that. Thank God.

Fast forward to today.

I've sat with a woman who was in so much shock that she couldn't make a decision and was looking at me to help.

I've called my love to tell him goodnight in the middle of the worst night his life.... and I couldn't be there with him.

I've confirmed my belief that you can't judge a book by it's cover.

I've realized that I need a plan and I need to know my parents' plans.

I've realized that "my" world is not the same as "the" world.

And I have stayed up the better part of 5 days now and I am tired as hell.

Happy Mother's Day

It's been a very nice Mothers Day for me.

To start it off my mom came over and cooked me a breakfast casserole and we sat around and talked and watched old episodes of Soap.

Do you remember Soap? It was a dramody series that aired in the latter 1970s and was a parody of soap operas... very racy for its time... very tame for today's time.

Anyway, it was a nice morning. After mom left, I got started on my goals of grocery shopping, feeding dogs at Dale's place, and doing laundry. Oh and I also laid out for a little bit to try to get some color other than blinding white.

Later, after Jessica came home from her friend's house, she gave me the best gift of all.... a pair of the largest and most beautiful fake diamond earrings I have EVER seen (I'm wearing them right now) and a card with such a nice message it made me cry.

It's not the greatest gift because of what I received, rather given the amount of time we argue and stay mad at each other, it was a beautiful surprise!

For every one out there who is a mom, I tell you Happy Mother's Day. And for every one out there who is not a mom, I tell you call your MOM if you can.

THIS JUST IN......

Jessica just shoved her shoes in my face and explained that she stepped in "poop" and she didn't know where to put them.

After seeing those very shoes on top of the washing machine this morning and hurling them into her room (which is a total pig sty and I am not kidding), I suggested she put them in her room... and the next time she wore them the residue would wear off. I mean I didn't see anything.

So she proceeded to walk two or three steps over to the dining room and drop them right next to her tennis shoes.

Me: (Glaring and just noticing the tennis shoes) I didn't mean to drop them there.

Jessica: Well I'm not putting them in MY room.

Happy Mother's Day.

A new generation

I just came across this picture on my desktop. A portrait of Jessica as expressed by Jason.


I caught Jason playing with Photoshop the other day and apparently he's learned how to use the Clone Stamp tool.

So it's not surprising to me that he would use it on a picture of his sister... seriously they are enemies lately.

And of course, Jessica would have a fit if she ever saw this, and I am ashamed to post it... really I am... but it's too funny not to.

I'm thrilled that Jason is experimenting with his creativity. It's awesome that he's learning Photoshop and gaining valuable job skills in a time when he's usually glued to the computer screen playing his online game with his comforter draped over his head.

Do I see a light ahead?

Oh and to be fair, here is the original pic:

My kind of yard

There is this spot in my yard, by my driveway, that I've been wanting to redo since I moved in. It was filled with some kind of plant... green plant... that wasn't ugly, but wasn't what I wanted.

So, to celebrate the first anniversary of moving in, I decided to do something about it. Last week I began pulling out the old plants in order to get it ready for FLOWERS!!

My mom came yesterday and helped me finish the pulling and then we went to Esposito's to buy Impatiens. I decided on Impatiens because my yard is mostly shady all day and will not accommodate flowers that need lots of sun (drat it all).

Here is the previous bed (click pix to see it larger):
















Here is the flower bed (yes I know it's a different angle.. just click to see it larger!):




The plants are very small right now but in time they will grow bigger and fill up the space. I love Impatiens and have them also in the flower boxes off my porch.



My mom planted Impatiens in my flower boxes last year and they were all the same color. This time, I had the idea to mix them up, which I am not sure she approves of... but hey I think they look "dashing" even though this picture doesn't show all the colors.

And Mom, you will be happy to know that I used pine bark mulch around the flowers. So much better than leaves.

Unmarriage revisited

I was looking through my archives just now and came across this post:

http://theworldaccordingtoliane.blogspot.com/2008/02/unmarriage.html

I have to say that a year+ later I still have mixed feelings about everything that has happened between David and me... and from living the past year+, I have learned that these feelings are gonna stay with me forever. I can't forget my life just because I've "moved on."

It's okay though. There's no reason to stop feeling. I love him. I love him as a friend and he's proven that he's my friend time and time again.

I have a good relationship with David... much like we had when we were married. He is an honorable man. And he pays child support with NO problems. That in itself is appreciated, believe me.

But I also have a serious relationship with a wonderful man who loves me and shows it. He shows it by calling me out of the blue... by telling me he loves me practically daily. By snuggling with me. By sympethizing with me when my life is challenging.

My sweet Dale. He is everything to me. I have never loved a man as much as I love him. I wish we had met earlier.

Dang, I think that what I am trying to say is that I love my life. My life rocks!

Well that's not entirely true. I hate my job at the moment... and I hate dealing with my heathen-istic teenagers.... but other than that, things are good. I may not have a job this time next year but I know I have family and love.

I think I should go and take one of those Facebook quizzes to see if I'm doing things right!

What I know

In 46 years I've learned that

It doesn't matter how old I am, I still feel like I did when I was young. My mind is aging beautifully but my body isn't.

The lyrics "All that I feel is the realness I'm faking," (Shattered, OAR) are pretty darn true.

No matter how much I explain... or talk about... or protest... or threaten... my children are never gonna pick up after themselves while they live with me.

There are people in this world who have no clue what a Datsun B210 is; much less a pop top.

You can win the hearts of others with humor.

You can get what you want by making scary changes.

I am smarter than I give myself credit for.

Adolesence is harder on the parent. It is.

May I have your attention please?

Why do people put their annual tag renewal stickers on every corner of their license plate? Or worse... slap it right in the middle without a care?

The sticker goes in the top right corner. It goes there every year. You actually cover up or peel off the prior year's sticker.

I'm in such a peevy mood right now because of all the people out there who make me so. Here are a few more of my peeves. I bet some are yours too.

Why do people

leave their shopping cart in the middle of the aisle while they compare prices or chit chat and act oblivious to the fact that I'm standing there, staring at them, waiting to pass?

pull out in front of me when nobody is behind me?

stand directly next to me (and I mean inches away) at the checkout counter while I am still paying?

intentially block intersections? (Okay, sometimes I get caught unexpectedly in the middle of an intersection, but I make it a point to avoid doing that.)

misdial my phone number then proceed to leave me a message after listening to my voice mail?

speed in school zones just because it's not the peak time?

try to turn left across 5 lanes of traffic in the middle of rush hour? It's even worse if 2 out of the 5 lanes let them out because 75% of the time they block lanes 1 and 2 while waiting to complete their turn. Not only is this totally idiotic, it's very dangerous. People get killed this way.

I can't think of anything else at the moment as I am listening to upbeat, happy music but believe you me there is more to come.

Thoughts of Nikki

I was thinking about Nikki.... who is very tired of being pregnant right now.... and it occurred to me that living with teenagers is like being pregnant.

The longer they are with you, the more you want them OUT!!

God speed Nikki!


P.S., okay, I feel like a terrible mom for saying that, but actually I really do feel that way at times. I think that nature is preparing me and "them" for the ultimate nest-leaving.

WTF????

This is a current headline from the Yahoo home page:

• Infant, six others shot near Mardi Gras parade route *Photos

*The asterisk represents a camera icon that didn't come through to my post.

Now, to be fair, I didn't click on the story... or the PHOTOS... and read about it.... but does anyone else see what is wrong here?

A turkey of a turkey

I had Tofurkey today.

Tofurkey is apparently a combination of tofu and turkey. Tofu and turkey? No wait, that would be a contradiction since it's vegan. Maybe it's tofu that tastes like turkey.

Anyway, I saw a pack in the grocery store yesterday and it looked really good. It was low in fat/calories and high in fiber. I've never had tofu so what the heck, I paid the $3.99 price for what the label said amounted to three servings of 5 slices each. The flavor I bought was Sun Dried Tomato.

The first thing I noticed about Tofurkey after opening the package was that it smelled an awful lot like canned dog food. That was not a good sign. But I decided to give it the benefit of the doubt and taste it. I pulled a piece off one of the very thin slices and took a bite. Not bad. But not great.

For breakfast this morning, I made a sandwich out of 2 of the Tofurkey slices. I toasted the bread and added mustard and tomato.

It was edible but it tasted nothing like turkey. It had no flavor except the fake flavor injected into it. Seriously, I can't understand why anyone likes it.

7 things you probably don't know about me

I stole this idea from one of my favorite bloggers. The deal is to name 25 things about yourself that no one knows. That sounded like a piece of cake when I read it at lunch time, but now that I am really thinking about it, I can only come up with 7. At least for tonight...


1. I worked as a telemarketer.
It was only for about two weeks part-time when I was in my early 20s, but it was hell. I worked for the Rainbow International Carpet Cleaning and Dying Company (or was it dying and cleaning?).

Anyway, try saying that in it's entirety to someone who answers the phone during dinner before they hang up on you!

I actually shortened the script I was required to read so that it sounded more natural, but the supervisor overheard me and told me I had to follow the script.

I only had one sale.

2. I love boy bands.
I admit it. I specifically love N'Sync and the Backstreet Boys, but I only listen to them while I am in the car. I have actually experienced tennnis-elbow in my jaw because of all the singing-along I do to their music.

3. I used to work for Spencers. (you know, that store in the mall?)
My main responsibility was to straighten the shelves. I would elaborate but I just fell asleep.

4. I have seen the BBC miniseries of Pride and Prejudice a jazillion times.
I've seen it so many times, in fact, that I can recite the dialogue (in accent of course) without missing a beat, but I have never read the book.

5. I was almost in the movie "Something Wild."
If you don't know, part of "Something Wild" was filmed here in Tallahassee and my friend-at-the-time's family lived on the street they were shooting a particular scene on. It's the scene where Melanie Griffith comes out of her grandmother's house and goes to the car where Jeff Daniels is waiting and drives to the end of the street.

I was watching the lighting crew set up the scene with actor-doubles and someone noticed me through the bushes and told me I was in the shot but invited me to come down where they were filming and watch.

Anyway, I sat on the bank and watched the final scene along with the other neighbors. Melanie Griffith came around the back of the car in high heels and proceeded to slip on the pavement and fall on her backside.

I felt bad for her of course, but it was totally awesome.

6. My daughter was almost named Kelly.
I wanted to name her Jessica as soon as I found out "it" was a girl, but David didn't want that name. I knew her middle name would be Michel no matter what because it runs in my family, but after a grueling process I settled on Kelly.

Somewhere around August, however, when I was 8.5 months preggers, the name Jessica popped back in my head. I insisted to David that her name would be Jessica and he didn't resist. Smart, smart man.

And what foresight I had!! Turns out, she is nothing less than a Jessica.

7. I dye my hair.
I never thought I would be the type to do that, but my hair is turning silver faster than I am willing to accept, and, besides, I am tired of being blinded every time I look in the mirror.

It's not vanity mind you; it's a medical necessity.

Life is good

Son is in kitchen eating chocolate chips (which came as a topping on yogurt).

Daughter is sitting at dining room table with an empty carton of yogurt (which came with a topping of chocolate chips).

Son throws a chocolate chip at Daughter.

Daughter protests and appeals to Mom.

Mom tells Son to stop, which appeases Daughter.

Son then throws another chocolate chip at Daughter.

Daughter protests louder and appeals to Mom... louder.

Mom tells Son to stop again and threatens loss of Xbox.

Son ceases chocolate chip throwing.

Daughter ceases protesting.

About a minute goes by.

Son walks into dining room and spits a chocolate chip onto Daughter.

Mom tries to conceal laughter but fails miserably and braces for Daughter's reaction.

Daughter looks at Mom and breaks out into laughter.

Life is good.

But still

I had the neatest experience the other day.

I read my cousin's blog, as I do daily, and it was about a "quirky" object she owned and would never part with. That "quirky" object was a silver drinking cup given to her by her grandfather who had originally received it from the famous playwright Harold Pinter, who recently died.

My cousin's grandfather is famous too. His name is Paul Rogers and he is British. His first wife married my mother's father. Confused? He is my step grandfather once removed by all logical purposes... not actually related.

I have heard about Paul Rogers since I can remember but have never met, much less seen a picture of the man. Still it's a very cool feeling to know that someone who is sort of step-related to me is famous!

Famous for doing plays... or so I always thought.

I was reading my cousin's blog and she included a clip of him in the movie "The Homecoming," (1973), which was also a Broadway play.

It was too much. Finally, I had a chance to see what he looked like and how exciting is that!! I watched the clip with the same anticipation of a child sneaking out to get her Christmas stocking in the middle of the night.

After I saw the clip I had to show it to my coworkers, one of whom had actually taken a class about Harold Pinter when she was in college. I felt so proud showing him off, which is totally weird since he doesn't even know I exist.

But still.

I then Googled his name and found out that he has appeared in many movies, with many classic stars such as Laurence Olivier, Catherine Zeta-Jones [okay, work with me], Anthony Hopkins, Peter Finch, Liv Ullman, Rod Steiger, Anthony Quinn, David Janssen, Dame Judi Dench, Peter Ustinov, Terence Stamp, John Hurt, Stuart Whitman, Burl Ives, Maureen O'Hara.

OMG!!! Do I need to keep going???

I wish I could meet him just once. Just to ask him about his experiences. How great they must be. How great. But he is about 92 now and in England and has no clue who I am so I know that will never happen.

But still.