One day I'll be someone's main squeeze

You're a Boa Constrictor!

You're that person who is always offering massages to people and you spend a lot of time training yourself to get better at giving them. Sometimes, however, you make people just a little nervous with how close you're getting to their neck. But you can usually knead them right back into a false sense of security, er, I mean into feeling comfortable. Your mouth seems to be capable of opening wider than anyone else's. You've sometimes wondered what it would be like to be made out of feathers.


Take the Animal Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Personally, I think this one is way off. I prefer to GET massages rather than give!!

smites, and nubes, and imps, oh my

I am sitting on the couch surfing the internet and Jason is sitting on the other end of the couch playing Runescape while talking on the phone to his friend Justin, who is also playing.

Runescape is an interactive online game where you are a character and can interact with other characters (people) in real time. I don't really understand the concept, but apparently you go to different "worlds" and fight people, or go on quests, or work for money. It is very popular with his friends and I am constantly having to remind him to get off of it and notice that there is a real world outside.

There is a lot of terminololgy associated with this game and to over hear him talking about what he's doing or going to do is like listening to him talk in a foreign language.

So I am sitting here surfing and cracking up at what I am hearing:

"Dude, there's an imp at the bank."

"I'm about to go get dragon boots."

"I'm gonna take my CV brace off because I am going PK'ing."

"Dude, I just got poned."

"Go into smites and nubes and get their DVS's."

"He's owking and he has obbey kabe."

I just asked him what "owking" meant and he replied that it was for "formage."

I will not bother to ask him what "formage" means.

Small world

Today I went to Target to get Jason's school supplies.

On my way to the checkout line, I ran into a former neighbor of mine from the neighborhood I lived in before separating. I actually went to high school with her, although we were not close back then; nor were we close when I lived there, but we would speak now and then.

We stopped to talk to each other... me telling her about the separation and my move with the kids; she introducing me to her husband and offering her sympathies to a broken marriage.

Talk got around to the sale of the home. She asked if I minded telling her how much it sold for, so I did. I didn't mind because everyone who owns homes in that neighborhood is curious to know what sells for what. That way when the time comes for them to sell, they will know how price their homes.

I told her about all the heartache we went through trying to get a real offer on the place and that the woman who bought it was very excited about it.

Just as I was telling them that the buyer had put in all new appliances, I heard someone say my name. I turned around and saw a woman with a shopping cart.

I looked at her trying to recognize who it was but before I had a chance to really see her, she said, "I don't know if you remember me, but I am the woman who bought your home."

I had only met her once, and that was at closing.

I started laughing and said that I was just telling them (my old neighbor and her husband) about you.

What a small world.

Soccer Saturday

Just in from a very long day in Pensacola. Jason had a play date of two games.

The first game was at noon. It was incredibly hot and sunny with not much of a breeze. Hotter than it has been here in Tallahassee the past few weeks.

I told Kim, our team manager, that it was pretty bad when you went to wipe the sweat off your upper lip with your finger and it stayed sweaty because your finger was sweaty!

I got a big kick out of Kim today. She went to set up her chair umbrella, which has seen better days, and this is what she discovered:



All the umbrella's protective caps were missing, revealing very dangerous looking spiky tines or whatever they are called. Plus the umbrella would open out all the way.

Being the smart ass I am, I had to milk it, I pulled out my camera and made fun of her for a full 10 minutes prior to the game kick off.

Later on during half time, a very young girl, probably three years old, came up to her and asked if she was her grandmother. Kim misunderstood at first and replied that she was not her grandmother and the little girl said, "No, are you her grandmother?" (pointing to Kim's daughter.)

I thought Kim was gonna cry (not really). She was smiling of course and pretending to be offended to me, but I was cracking up. She is younger than me. So I milked that for a long time! She's such a good sport. We laughed about that for a long time.

During the second half of the game it began to rain. The rain cooled things off, which was great, but rain forces us to either retreat to our cars or huddle in our chairs under our umbrellas. So it was raining pretty steady, not a down pour but hard enough, and there we were huddled under our umbrellas... we are hard core soccer moms after all. It was a sight though...there Kim sat huddling under her spiky umbrella that wouldn't open all the way, clutching her team notebook close against her so it wouldn't get wet. It was a pitiful sight indeed.

Of course I was totally cracking up, making fun of her, and I would have taken her picture except Jessica had taken my purse (containing my camera) with her when she retreated to the car.

This is one of the pics I took today. It was so bright that I couldn't tell what I was taking or if they were in focus, but they were for the most part. My camera was on full magnify but still it is not close. That's Jason in the middle in white/red.



We won the first game 2 to 0. We lost the second game 3 to 0. The second game seemed to be much more physical and harder for the boys.

By the time we left Pensacola, I was so tired. It had been a long HOT day and I dreaded the three hour drive home, but we made it... getting home at exactly 8:49 p.m. We had a contest where we predicted the exact minute we would pull into the garage. Jason said 8:48, I said 8:49, Jessie said 8:50. It was 8:48 as I pulled into the driveway, and Jason was doing high fives on himself, but as I entered the garage the clock changed to 8:49. Of course I milked it!

During the drive home, Jessica showed me one of her many talents:

Man I'm hungry

How to make a Liane Michel

Ingredients: 1 part pride 5 parts brilliance 5 parts instinct

Method: Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Top it off with a sprinkle of sadness and enjoy!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

More alarming talk

I generally get up at 6:15 a.m. on work days. My alarm clock is set for 6:00, but I hit the snooze button twice before actually getting up.

This morning, while in the middle of my first snooze hit and trying to savor the last 10 or minutes of sleep I had remaining, Jessica walked into my bedroom and announced that it was time get up.

Trying to shield the light as if I was a vampire, I groggily asked if her alarm had gone off and she said yes. I told her I needed one more snooze and then I would get up.

By the time I stumbled out of my bedroom at 6:15, she was already dressed.

I think buying her an alarm clock may turn out to be one of the best decisions I have ever made. Now I just have to get Jason to use his.

Silent alarm

Throughout the night I would wake up wondering if Jason's alarm clock had gone off and if he was up early. I didn't know what time he had set it for, but figured he'd set it for 5:00 or 5:30 a.m.

When I got up at 6:15, he was still asleep and the alarm clock was silent. I proceeded with my routine of turning on his light and telling him it was time to get up. At 6:30 he was still in bed. At 6:45 he was still in bed, but got up when I told him that this was the third and final time I would tell him.

As I was getting ready for my shower, he came in my room and sat down on the bed. I told him that I wanted him to put the clock back in the box because I was going to return it.

"Why?", he asked.

"Because it doesn't work", I said.

I had bought both the kids the cheapest ones Target had (less than $5.00 each) and Jessica's had not gone off either.

"Yes it does", he replied.

"Well, then why didn't it go off this morning?"

"It did", he said with a grin, "but I wanted to sleep some more, so I turned it off."

I just laughed at him and went into the bathroom.

I am not an alarm clock

This morning Jason complained to me that "I" need to wake him up earlier..... that he doesn't have enough time to "wake up" before he has to get ready for school.

I looked at him in disbelief.

Every morning at 6:15 (when I get up), I walk into his room, turn on his light, and tell him it's time to get up. He promptly grunts and turns over.

At 6:30, I go back to his room and prod him until he gets up. I practically have to drag him out of the bed and he is taller than me now.

So I am sitting on the couch this morning, looking at him in disbelief, and trying to realize how, somehow, it is my fault that he won't get up earlier?

He said he wanted to get up at 5:00 or 5:30 a.m.

I told him I would buy him an alarm clock and he could get up at a time he felt appropriate. So I did this afternoon.

We'll see what happens in the morning.

On another note....

The other day I asked Jessica to get the towels off the clothes line, fold them, and put them away. When she put them into the linen closet, she just crammed them in however they would fit.... and not on the same shelf either.

Towels were crammed everywhere.

I noticed, of course, and being the compulsive person I am (need to have order), I told her she should not have done that; that she should have put them in nice and orderly. Otherwise what's the point of FOLDING them?

Just now, she opened the linen closet to get a towel and she asked me why the towels were crammed in there.

I feel like I just can't win.

I toad you so

You Were a Toad

You drift into altered states of consciousness freely and easily. You also have the power to change luck and life a long life.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

Hell yes.

And we're off......

Today was the first day of school. Jason is starting high school (god); Jessie middle.

I made them pose for me this morning. Haven't done that in a while. When they were little I would always take a pic of them the morning of the first day. Jessie stopped arguing with me long enough to pose.


It was funny, she just went into "photo" mode...like a model... and I snapped the pic. Then she was right back into her argument, never missing a beat.

I just finished doing MY homework... filling out the mound of paperwork they each came home with.

Soccer returns

Soccer season is back and I love it!! Jason missed almost the entire season last year due to a broken leg/foot, so it is so nice to be back! The next two or so months will be jam-packed with play dates and tournaments. Then his travel team will take a break while high school soccer has its season. And he plans to try out. Travel soccer will then resume in January.

Today, Jason's team played the U-16 boys. Here are some shots of him. He is #38 (red shirt) for those who don't know. Man, it was so hot outside.

Awakening

I've just discovered the music of Stone Temple Pilots.

OMG, where have I been all my life? I LOVE their music. Yes, I have heard of them... heard of them for years, but I have never heard them. They are AWESOME!

Actually I have always loved their hit "Interstate Love Song," but up until tonight, I thought it was by Hootie and the Blowfish.

I am so out of it.

I have always listened to mainstream music.... you know, the music played on the radio. I do own some CDs but not very many. And I would be ashamed to tell you what I do own because, apparently, boy bands are not cool anymore.

Lately, however, with the help of my friend Dale, I am discovering new music. Different music. Not the songs I hear daily on Star 98... the 10 songs of the 80s, 90s, and today. Not the same "classic" rock I hear over and over and over and OVER like a broken record. But music by bands like Ester Drang and blues.

I know, I know.... there's no excuse for not having heard blues... well I have heard some, but hey, I told you I am out of it.

So I feel like I've missed out on half my life. No, wait.... I feel like I am discovering the second half of my life!

Retard

The kids have been at each other's throats all summer. She in his business. He in hers. It's constant and it's driving me insane. Believe me, it's been a LONG summer.

Yesterday I asked Jessie to empty the dishwasher. Called her from the car on my way home from work. "Hey, I need you to empty the dishwasher and let me talk to Jason...... Jason, I need you to load the dishwasher after Jessie empties it."

"Do it before I get home please." "Okay," he says, but not without complaint.

I get home and no dishes have been loaded. I yell out for Jason. He finally comes to load, but not without more complaint. Apparently, he can't rinse and load dishes barefoot; it makes him itch. So I told him to put his shoes on. He did and promptly began whining about why no one ever rinses their dishes. He accused Jessie of messing up every dish in the house in anticipation of him having to load. Then he asked me if we could each have our own set of silverware that we each wash.

I am listening to this as I am sweeping.

In the meantime, Jessie could no longer resist the urge to get in his business. She told him to stop his complaining while pointing out everything he was doing wrong. Then she left the kitchen and came back with every stray glass and dish she could find; grinning from ear to ear.

I told her if she didn't stop, she would be loading the dishwasher. She went straight to the refrigerator and began arranging the plastic magnet letters. This is what I found later on.

Kids

A week left of summer vacation then Jessica will start middle school; Jason high school. They actually stopped fighting long enough for me to take this picture.

Jason is taller than me now (just a bit though). Somewhere along the summer he had a growth spurt. I never really noticed because I rarely see him standing anymore. He is usually sitting on couch or bed with his computer in his lap. Jessica has had a growth spurt too, but in a different direction.

Creative stacking

The kids now have chores to do every week. One such chore is to unload the dishwasher and put away the dishes. They know fully well where things belong, but in their effort to rush through the experience, they just stash dishes how and where they feel.

I don't know who put this baking dish away. I won't even ask because both will deny it. But I cracked up when I opened the cabinet!

Cutting edge

I have finally mowed the lawn.

It's a big deal to me. I never had to mow lawns.... well save one time when I was around 15. I had to mow the lawn and broke out in a rash. THANK GOD for that!!! I used that excuse up until yesterday. "Can't mow the lawn; makes me break out in a rash. Seriously, you can ask my mom."

But I am on my own now. I am an adult. I am a grown up. I need to learn to do for myself. That's one of the reasons for separating right? Hell yes.

So I get the lawnmower in the "settlement", mainly because he has no where to keep it and why not have it here? I can use it for sure! I have to keep up the yard.

The problem is that I am... well was.... afraid of the lawnmower. David showed me how to use it.... where to move the throttle, make sure it has gas, etc. No problem. Except when I went to start it.

I was gonna start it up and mow. Show everyone. I can mow!! I proudly wheeled the lawn mower out of the garage and into the yard. I pulled the cord.... ripped the cord...... I don't know, but I could NOT get the motor to turn. I was embarrassed that I couldn't get it to start so I wheeled it back into the garage and promptly decided to think about that problem later.

Well later turned into yesterday. The yard was overgrown and was getting worse. David had mowed the front yard a couple weeks prior so it was not as thick. But the rest of the yard... side and back... was very thick. Yes I know you are probably thinking at this point well WHY was David mowing my yard? Well in my defense, he did it while I was working out. He came over when I was gone to my work out and when I got back, he was mowing. That's the type of guy he is. But I digress.

So I was NOT gonna ask David to mow my lawn. No, it was my responsibility. Either I pay someone to do it or figure out how to start that mower.

I decided that I was going to start the mower because I am not any different than any other woman who I have EVER seen mowing the lawn.. well, different except for the fact I have never mowed.

I got gas in the can and poured it into the lawnmower. I needed a funnel so I created one from a water bottle that Jessie uses to "cook" with outside. I filled the tank. I pulled the cord as hard as I could. Nothing. I pulled again. Nothing.

I pulled again, the hardest yet...... and the motor kicked over. It was a sound of joy; a sound of "freedom", if you will. A sound that I KNOW my cousin Sarah will relate to.... In any case, I took off and mowed the crap out of my yard.

I feel so good about myself. I have mastered that lawn mower. The only thing now is that I get Jason used to it because HE is gonna be doing the lawn mowing. I break out in a rash after all.