Me date?

Okay, I know I shouldn't have done this but I joined a personals (dating) site. Not actually joined as far as subscribing (where you pay monthly) though. All I can basically do is look and send one free email to someone. I don't why the hell I did it because I don't want to date right now. Well, actually I do know why I did it.

I did it because I'm insane and going through a mid-life crisis. I'm almost 44, separated, and scared to death that I'm never going to meeting anyone else. The weird part is that I don't even want to deal with a relationship right now. Part of the reason for separating was to take responsibility for my life sans a man. You know, to learn how to do things on my own without depending on a man. But I can't help it. I think what I truly need right now is a man who is a friend. A friend to talk to and go out with occasionally. A friend with benefits. No drama, no strings. That's want I need.

I had to create a profile in order to look at other profiles of men so I bit the bullet and joined last Saturday. I didn't expect to get a response, but in less than 24 hours I had an email from a man. He told me he liked my profile and photo, included his phone number and said to call if I was interested. I couldn't believe it. I called my cousin Sarah in astonishment and told her all about it. It felt great to receive a response so soon... hey, I'm still attractive to men!!... but I was scared to death... why did I do this? EEK, I'm not ready for this.

The man met all my criteria... he was perfect except I wasn't attracted to him. He wasn't that ugly but I just wasn't attracted. I thought how shallow I was for forming my decision not to give this guy a chance based purely on his looks. Especially since he met all my other criteria. But I couldn't get past it. I didn't call him.

Since then I've had three more responses... none of them attractive to me! I found a profile of a guy I though was attractive and sent him what they call a teaser (one free email where you have to pick from a list of things to say) but he never responded. Oh well, I think I'm just a big bluffer anyway but we'll see what happens. It's kind of fun to check out guys from the privacy of your own home.